I never thought I would be that woman that becomes bitter toward men and love. I have an Aunt that is extremely bitter toward men and relationships and I vowed I would never be like her. But damn…sitting here today reading tweets on twitter between 2 lovers made me realize I hate to even here about love and how good a man or woman is to each other. I do let them know how precious and blessed their relationship is but then I felt jealousy. Wow do you know how hard that is to admit to yourself? At least I know what I am feeling and I most definitely know why. The few men that I have loved in my life, I loved them deeply and hard. I was good to them and I spoiled them. But each time it never works out and all I have done is trained them how to be a good man to some other woman.
I used to be that woman that would say…God made someone for everyone…HA! You will never hear me say that again. I dont believe it and even though I see people who are together and know their past I am finding myself wondering. How did she or he find someone that loved them enough to marry them? What am I doing wrong. Why cant I find a man to love me like that. Did they just settle for anyone? Are my standards set too high? Lord if I could answer those questions I would have my answer and understand what is going on with me.
I have a ton of faults and I know and acknowledge every one of them. I thought that once I figured that out then I would find that one love that was meant for me. Another HA! to add to the list. Maybe I dont know how to be in a relationship and haven’t learned what I need to know to be in one. ARGGG this is so frustrating. It is really driving me crazy and I have been praying for an answer.
The only thing I can figure out is that God doesn’t want me to love anyone like that but Him. I do know he is a jealous God and nothing and no one is suppose to come before Him. I believe I am one of those people that are suppose to be single for life. Some people never marry and die that way. Maybe that is my station in life. To only love God, show others His love through me and always be available to do so. If I have a man, I won’t always be available to those that need me I guess. Am I happy about this? NO…do I understand this? KINDA…do I have to accept this? YEA. If God wants me to live this way I have to accept it but I sure dont like it.
So many people have told me to be patient and stop looking for love and it would show up…HA! I have waited 46 yrs for the love of my life and he has still not shown up. I was teasing a friend and said I only give him 4 more years and after that I give up lol. And now that I have fibromyalgia, I don’t go out, I am always at home, I do not go places where I would be able to meet anyone. So with a life like this…how the hell am I suppose to meet that special man? Is he just gonna show up at my door? NO! So what is there to hope for? I really dont have any hope anymore for that special man that is suppose to be my husband. He doesn’t exist and I am not looking for him. I just pray that God will fill that empty hole I feel in my soul for my true love. All I know to do at this point is just build that wall I have been fighting against all my life and shield my heart from any more hurt or disappointment. Bitter much? HELL YEA.
Wow Tracy, to know you IS to love you! I can relate alot to this.
I mostly grew up around women, was nutured alot after my mom died. Teachers would make me feel like I was very special and encouraged me in many things.
Later on in life, I was around women who were controlling, materialistic, and petty. Nothing I did was good enough and they often cheated on me. I have been married a total of 3 times, my wife being the 3rd and the last, who has truely cared for me the right way. I didn’t find her…she found me. I kinda felt that way you did, maybe I shouldn’t be married, maybe I am not the guy women wanted, but my wife (Chrissy) made a lie out of all of that.
I shouldn’t have to go out my way to please someone because they need it, but because I want to. I am only around people who don’t take what I do or say for granted, and they know I am doing the same.
I think God has someone out there for you, but you have slow down and read people correctly, and not just fall head over heals when a guy makes your heart jump, maybe it’s gas! ha ha
Learn to love yourself with the good, the bad, and the ugly and then find someone who agrees with you and still can’t stay away. I am beginning to see stuff in you, making sense, so should someone with that mind.
Hi Simply Tracy —
Have you read the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge? I just completed a women’s retreat through my church on that book. It was delightful, and you might find it interesting, too.
The book is about the different roles that men in our lives play as opposed to the role of our Heavenly Father. It’s been a pretty profound book for many people, including me. I just wanted to share with you
Sue Ingebretson
(@SueInge)
i think you should try to go out and have fun. just date a lot. i know you have fibromyalgia but maybe on days you dont feel so bad. your mood effects your energy too. try to htink positive. i know that if i break up with my bf i would go out and date a TON of people and not take it too seriously. dont put your all into a guy that hasn’t given you their all yet. be the one with the upperhand… that’s what i plan to do if this relationship doesn’t work out. i know what you mean you mean i had to make my current into a better person. he went from being the devil incarnate to just sometimes an asshole. i hope you feel better and you become happier.
I live in such a small town I know all the men here and no way I would date any of them.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I doubt if there’s someone for everybody.
When I married I thought that investing in the relationship would keep it alive. But when it’s one sided, it doesn’t.
We’ve decided to live in the same house for the children.
Whenever I’ll meet someone I’m free to go.
But when will I meet someone when I’m always busy with the children and the only visits are to the docs and the dentist?
I don’t think life is for meeting other people, but is for growing in your soul. Maybe we’ll do that with people, maybe we don’t.
I hope you’ll find happiness, one way or another. A true rest with another being.
Hugs
Hi Tracy!
have you heard about raw food and living food for fibromyalgia?
I don’t use medications and since I eat this way.i feel MUCH better! And no needs to buy any supplements this way!
I urge you to look for it on Google. You will find many stories and many explanations about how this helps to gain a better quality of life!
Take care and gentle fibro hugs!
Karine